i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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