I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize