Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
