My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
