I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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