The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
