I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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