Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
