The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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