Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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