the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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