when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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