I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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