he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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