i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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