i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
