dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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