My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A+ Viking dick
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
