I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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