Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
