Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
