she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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