Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
