Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
