If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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