I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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