Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
