Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize