Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
