If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to calm my uterus...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
