How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We need to get me chipped asap
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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