proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
