for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
