I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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