I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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