apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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