don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
