After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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