Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
