Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
