Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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