i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
