I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk is not a location!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
