I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
operation harelip BJ is a go
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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