I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just had sex bonerless
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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