You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
