Having a random hookup so left but love u
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.