you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.