Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him