you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"