I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.