it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
