So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
