i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
