fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
