my vag is so smooth its legendary
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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