Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
