Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
