Swine flu is the new snow day.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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