Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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