i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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