what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize