I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
