Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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