i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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