I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
