How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
