apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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